Writing me Down

Thursday, June 23, 2005


Batophobic gleaming teeth
Fill the city's yawning mouth
Leaning in as if they're watching
Ant-like suited workers pouring
Daily from their orrifices
Money-making sacrifices.


At 3:10 pm, Blogger stephen mcdermott said...

Hi Carole,

Stephen from the writing course here. I like the imagery of the city as a mouthful of skyscrapers. I could picture the buildings leaning in, impassive observers of the frantic workers below - this also gives it a claustraphobic tint.

The "pouring" "orifices" "sacrifices" lines are nicely arrhythmic without being awkward, like a jagged skyline although it does bring the poem to a sudden halt.

Thanks for the read!


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